i've distanced myself from that life. i do things simply because i want to. and half the time i'm really happy to be alone with my thoughts or with just the small handful of people i genuinely like. i don't have the time to deal with anything else anyway. shrugs.

but, i see the appeal of that life. i honestly can see myself living like that, very comfortably and relatively happily. there is the comfort of being within the same circle and environment you grow up in. and while i'm incredibly happy to have that circle, i'm not so sure about the environment really. where we are all clustered so tightly into one small area, where everyone knows everyone, everyone's dated someone, everyone knows everything or can easily find out everything about you. then everything just plunges really quickly into comparing against each other, since so many of us have taken the same paths. the pettiness, ugliness, claustrophobic feelings that come with it. and then at the end of e day, you realise that everyone's identical, and there is nothing remarkable you can say that you've done.

and life just becomes a blur of muted colours fading into each other.

and it is this life of muted colours, where there is no real distinction between a year and the next, or your colour and someone-else's colour

hurhur. the more i think about it, the more i believe in angie's more recent prediction of my love-life. HAHAHA. she probably can't figure out which one i'm talking about. she's made too many over the years. snorts.

i think i'm not going to apply to LSE for masters. i don't really have a need to do a masters now. i'm doing it for pure interest and for that opportunity. and i know exactly where i want to do my masters, so i don't really want to take something for the sake of having a masters. its nyc or nothing i suppose. if i don't get it this year, then next year or the following. who says i have to do it this year anyway. hahaha.

nationals for telders this weekend. here we go!